Posted by Irregaahhdless
The lads at Deadspin already tore DirecTV a new one earlier this week. (Go read that. Really. I don’t mind. It’s excellent.) But in honor of my buddy Marc getting DirecTV installed at his new house today (in 43-degree, rainy weather to boot; no chance that goes well), I serve up this story as more proof that if DirecTV ever loses the rights to Sunday Ticket, they’ll be in business for roughly 11 more days, tops.
So I go online this morning to get my DirecTV bill. Since I’m equal parts OCD and cheap, I scour every line to see what’s F-ed up. They don’t disappoint. I see the following item on there:
09/01 11/30 SPORTS Loyalty Gift: 3 Months Free 0.00
Since I had to call DirecTV anyway to cancel HBO and Cinemax now that my “three months at half-price” deal is over (DirecTV won’t let you cancel these things online, since that would deny the customer of a quick, easy transaction without being read a 250-word script about all the championship boxing I’ll miss when I cancel; and, really, who’d want that?), I ask: “What the hell is this Sports Loyalty Gift?”
As it turns out, I’ve been getting the Sports Pack for free for a month and a half now. (Goddammit! How many motocross marathons have I been missing on the Speed Network?) And I’ll continue to get it for free for another month and a half. Of course:
a. I don’t recall receiving any notification about this. (I mean, maybe they sent me a message on the TV about it. But does anyone ever check those things?)
b. I ask the woman, “At the end of the three months, will this just stop showing up? Or do I have to call and cancel?”
The answer to the latter is, of course, that I have to call and cancel. If I don’t, I’ll be charged for the Sports Pack until I call and cancel it. And I can’t tell the woman on the phone right now, “Please cancel it on 11/29.” Apparently, that’s not possible. (Seriously, it’s really going to be something when DirecTV’s billing system moves off that lone Commodore 64.)
So, basically, DirecTV is preying on my “loyalty” by giving me something I don’t want and then continuing to charge me after the item I didn’t want in the first place isn’t free any more. Why don’t they just reward my loyalty by punching me in the dick?